finally ready to blog...

<tr><td align="left">for a long time i haven't had the impulse to blog.
nothing to say, mainly because there has been so much to think about that i cant put anything into words

for some inexplicable reason my soul picks this moment to spew forth through the medium of my blog
so sit back and hang on because i don't know what is going to come out.
if it horrifies you or offends you, then you probably had some delusions about me that needed to be done away with, so you can thank me later by buying me a meal sometime.

i hate being broke. worse than broke. i have a small amount of debt that i have been carrying since grad school and its finally stopped being the albatross around my neck and now it has transmogrified into the snarling dog on the other side of the fence. the fence you are walking along. and who knows when you both will chance upon an opening.

for the first time in a while i am making money that will be able to pay it off, and rather quickly, but i simply need to wait for the state of fricking ohio's Office of Budget Management to decide that the time is right to process my invoices and write checks so i can get paid. bad enough it normally takes 4-6 weeks for that to happen, but they decided to send two back because parking and meals have to come from different accounts and can't be on the same invoice. and i am supposed to know that how exactly??? so i had to resubmit them, and instead of completing the transaction from where they left off, they started from scratch. 12 weeks till i see the check, august 8. and thus all the work i did to set up a payment plan with my credit card company went out the window because i had no income for three months. oh the joy.

paychecks from OBM are like irregular bowel movements. you don't know when or if they will come, but the longer it takes the more you know you need professional help.

i have the apartment to myself today. i had a roommate since i got back from LA. a dear friend (who probably will read this) stayed with me and was living the life of an actor in cleveland.  low income, thankless job, and the frustration of precasting the only roles you might be good for....

he gave up and decided to move home until his next childrens show tour picks up in october. everyone leaves. they are smart, i guess. i have tried to stay in cleveland to find the fertile ground and plant a garden, and tend it till it bears the fruits of my labor. a theatre that can feed a growing number. but every time it is supposed to blossom something happens and i am left alone to view the weeds and start seemingly from scratch.

even now, when i am supposed to have two friends stepping up to share this labor of love, i see that what they say and what they do ae different things. i ge the impression that i am just a pawn in their game- a stepping stone to get the theatre they want up and running. my presence is merely a necessity, not a preference. strange to have people ask you questions about a project you are supposed to be an intetgral part of, and find out that as they were being courted to be involved, your name was left off the list of main players. again. and i dont feel sorry for myself, i am just resigned to the fact that my one greatest weakness is the lack of self-promotion.

i have neverbeen cutthroat about selling myself. my work stands for itself. 'nuff said. if i need to go out and tell people how wonderful i am, i would rather stay home and do more work.

there are many notable people in the cleveland theatre scene who blow their own horns really loudly and well. have their own websites and networks, and work all the time. and yet the greatest artistic achievements that all can see are their extraordinary feats of self-promotion. on stage the creative landscape is only extra-ordinary.

i keep my head down and toil away alone, because because that is where is see honor, and the spoils of war. looking for the happiness i am trying to earn.

and it may finally be here, what i have waited and longed for...

this thursday i will be driving to buffalo to see my family, well my mom and my aunt and uncle, and maybe my dad... i need to see him, its been a while.

but most important is that i will be seeing a woman i have not seen in nearly 20 years. we dated 21 years ago, between my freshman and sophomore years in college. from my high school. adorable and sexy and we were both so scared to death to do anything that we had a completely chaste relationship that summer. i ended it when i went back to school for only the reason that i was going back to school and every friend on my freshman hall had had major problems with long distance relationships... even the ones as short as an hour or two away. they chose to miss out on college and life because they had to make their nightly phone call or that weekend going home because it was expected of them. i didn't want that. life was in front of me and i wanted to be available to it's opportunities.

i didnt realize that it was pretty devastating for her. i never thought that anyone would care that much about me. i mean come on, i am just me. nothing all that special. yet i hurt her.

we bumped into each other a few years later, she came to see a shakespeare in the park show and i was in it. she was with her boyfriend. she seemed so great, and i knew i missed her, but she was with someone and seemed as radiant as ever. i didnt hear from her for months. turns out her boyfriend broke it off right after that show because she had reacted so strongly to seeing me there. i guess he didnt realize she was carrying a torch and failed to see that all he had to do was be special and that torch would have been his forever. she didn't call me, so i never knew.

a few years later i was living in cleveland and dating a woman, practically living with her, and she found me again. email or phone, i don't remember. she sent me a picture of herself, taken at one of those photo booths. so hauntingly beautiful, yet somehow sad. she was working in a bra factory in the pacific northwest, and i couldn't get myself to write back often. i felt guilty that i was in a relationship that was failing. i had wanted out for a long time, but the thought of being alone was too scary, and the thought of hurting the woman i was with too painful. and why couldn't i find happiness in the relationship. what was wrong with me? i was going to work on this and make it work. and here i was wanting the echo of a love long past. and a quarter of the way around the globe. a fifth?

that contact faded away...

i would periodically search for her online, but never contact her, or if i tried it would have been a closed email account. and i dated others, longing for something i could never find, a glimmer here a wisp there, a look in someone's eyes that never panned out.  i still find myself looking in crowds and passing cars for a passing soul, the eye contact that tells me that i have finally found that soulmate again. Celestine Prophesy a bit too close to my heart, i guess. that soulmate is there somewhere and i keep looking. my fear is that i didn't recognize it when it was there in front of me.

and then this christmas i got an email from her again. and we have struggled to remain friends. that choice of vocabulary is deceiving: i do not mean that it is difficult to like her or communicate, quite the opposite. now that we are back in touch it is like the moments have never passed between us. she is the most incredible friend i could ever have, we share thoughts and references. she is obsessed about many of the same things as i am, she has many of the same fears, her frustrations with love have been hand in hand with my own, and her creative spirit is also chained to the same promethean rock that mine is, only with different chains.

i will see her for the first time in nearly two decades in two days and i am both thrilled and terrified about this. all i have longed for is the sense of peace that comes with not having to look anymore. i thought i had found that on a few occasions... grown together with someone only to either be ripped away by being dumped within sight of the man who had already replaced me... having to slice the bond apart because i know it is an unhealthy bond and try to ease the pain of the person i have cared about who was unable to see the problems... or an engagement (the furthest along i have ever gotten) which ends with a mutual separation and turns quickly into a full-on backstabbing betrayal complete with lots of salt and lemon for the wound.... the bitterest part of the lemon (ironically called the zest, huh?) is the debt i incurred not from the ring, but from paying rent while she paid down her credit card bills, so that after the wedding we could focus on mine (cuz they were smaller).

which leads me back to the start of the blog, sitting in my apartment, alone, contemplating the debts i still carry, that blasted dog across the fence, and knowing that the greatest test is before me: get these debts paid off and hope that i am actually going to have a second chance with the woman whom i think is my soulmate. run this gauntlet of debt and work, and not screw it up with her again.

wish me luck,
"thursday is near. lay hand on heart. advise."</td></tr>

DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED!!!!!!

DO NOT READ IF EASILY OFFENDED!!!!!!

So my friend thinks she has found the "Shroud of Mary Magdelyn*"

(*Leave me alone, i wanna spell it this way tonight!)

It appeared in her dryer... she put in her blanket, comforter, huge bulky thing, stuffed, crammed mercilessly into the regular-sized dryer with no hope of it moving at all during the cycle and

VOILA!!! MIRACLE OF MIRACLES!!!

in its place was

"The Shroud of Mary Magdelene*"

(*Leave me alone, i wanna spell it this way now!)

Now, she thinks there will be pilgrimages to her bedroom to see the face of the second most famous harlot in the world (next to mother theresa's slutty sister Rosa who is buried in a Y-shaped coffin) imprinted on her bed (which to me seems to be akin to the good housekeeping seal of approval.)

With the exception of an ex-girlfriend or two, there are few people in the area who have had a waiting list to get into their bedroom. (oh shut it, they are adults and libel is only a case IF ITS NOT TRUE!!!)

I guess we have a holy relic in our state that rivals any Jesus-faced potato chip or statue of mary bleeding out its ass (chef is dead. long live chef, the scientolojismaticianophilean cult-faced mofo. sorry, i meant hypocrite. bite my balls L Ron, cuz my friend mag_pi's got the face of jesus' secretary of the interior on her bed and i dare you to cross either one of them!)

So what's the deal with people dissin' the messianic whore?

Remember she was not some random impure woman. That guy on the cross supposedly forgave us all and wiped us clean, so we can do all sorts of evil shit and get away scott-free (free scott! free scott! free bwian! don't squeeze the charmin!). And we never even met the guy. Imagine what the woman who got down and dirty with the man would be forgiven for!  Imagine the post-coital pillow-talk:

JESUS
Christ that was good!

MAGS
I hate it when you talk of yourself in the third person.

JESUS
It'll work for Bob Dole.

MAGS
You, sir, are no Bob Dole.

JESUS
Okay, give me a freaking break. I am a bit delirious. I have been walking all week with the guys, all over fucking Galilee, gatorade hasn't been invented and I made the mistake of mentioning to Peter that I was craving a Red Bull and the next thing I know he steals a real bull from a shepherd and now I gotta deal with that bad publicity! I have had a tense freaking week, and I was looking forward to some alone time with you. The sex, as always is incredible, thank you. It was. Really. You heard me yell, "Oh, Dad!" right?

MAGS
Yeah, a few times.

JESUS
So lay off and let me enjoy this cigarette.

MAGS
Right. Whatever you say. You're the Messiah. Don't suppose you noticed that I never got to "see your dad." You think I didnt have a tense week?

JESUS
Okay, okay, I promise, next time we will try for a bishop, and I will hold off until you get some face time with Pops.

MAGS
Sure you will. I've heard that before.

JESUS
Whaddya mean?!

MAGS
You sure take your time walking on water, but you sure sprint your "three minute mile" in my bedroom.

JESUS
That's not fair! It happens in the best of families!

MAGS
Didn't happen with Judas.

JESUS
Now wait one dad-damned minute!

MAGS
Or Simon Bar-Jonah. And he's hung like Thomas.

JESUS
I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalalalala!

MAGS
Okay! Okay, I'll stop.

JESUS
Thank you. Fucking Christ!

MAGS
Sure thing, Bob Dole. Whoever the fuck HE is.

JESUS
Whatever.

MAGS
Have you thought anymore about us actually getting married? This pre-marital stuff is going to be sticky when you finally get that autobiography written. Your Mom is not too keen on this, either.

JESUS
Don't I always absolve you after?

MAGS
Yeah. As you toss me a towel. If we were married you wouldn't have to absolve me and we could have monogrammed towels.

JESUS
Ummm... I got a scroll yesterday from my image consultant. He thinks I shouldn't get married. Would be bad for my numbers.

MAGS
And when were you going to tell me this?!

JESUS
I was waiting for the right moment.

MAGS
You son of a bitch.

JESUS
Hey! She is not a bitch!

MAGS
She is too! No one around here likes her. You know that. Her "holier than thou" attitude and that blue robe she always wears. Give me a break. My mom went to school with her. Sat next to her in leavening class. Said all the boys thought she was ugly, and she always smelled of traif. Couldn't get a date for the prom, and the only reason she got knocked up by that near-sighted angel was that she was the only one alone in bed in the whole village!

JESUS
It wasn't her fault. She was a late bloomer.

MAGS
Sure, whatever you say. At least Zeus picked hot women. And then she had the nerve to blackmail the shop teacher to take care of her.

JESUS
I SAID SHUT UP!!!!

MAGS
You know, Peter lasted nearly a half hour.

JESUS
Which one?!

MAGS
Both of them.

JESUS
That's it! I'll show you. Watch this: "You are hereby absolved of your sin of premarital sex twice over."

MAGS
Twice?

JESUS
Unless you're tired.

And on and on it would go.

She was Jesus' girlfriend. Its just that the catholics cant believe that the son of god, born of a virgin, could ever to home base with anyone. I mean really, he can turn water into wine, he walks on water, heals the sick, he's the biggest celebrity in the mediterranean, and anyone really thinks the guy sleeps alone? The band had to have had groupies, right? And he was the lead singer. Mick jagger, Bono, Axl Rose, Peter Frampton were all pussy magnets.

Let's add the J-Man to the list!

I am SO going to Hell.
And if you laughed,
You will be right there with me.

Thanks for the company.
Pass me a skin of wine.

  • Current Music
    Edith Piaf - La Vie En Rose

i actually wrote some fan mail...

for the first time in a long time i had to write a fan letter.

in truth it was a thank you email that may never even get read by the actual actor, but i am taking a chance that paul giamatti actually has a myspace page.

i guess its like giving a fiver to a homeless person... you hope that it actually buys food, even though the chances are that it never will.

here is what i wrote:

Mr. Giamatti,
I am not sure if this is even your myspace page or just some fan posing, but I wanted to send a short message to thank you. I finally got around to watching Sideways, and I knew today was the day I needed to see it. I guess I'm a sort of Zen movie-watcher: There is a time and place for all things, and if you take them out of their place, you cannot appreciate them fully. In any case, today was the day.

The Los Angeles sun was setting and the living room was getting dark. i sat there with my sesame chicken and iced tea and saw a remarkable performance which I will hold in my mind when I direct and act. Subtle and honest, and though there might have been times when your motivation was, "Let's hope the freaking lighting is right on THIS take!" there was never a moment that I felt that I was watching an actor I have seen and admired doing a range of other things, from an orangutan slaver to karaoke newbie.

Thank you for that performance. 

You wouldn't remember me from one afternoon in Cleveland on the set of American Splendor. I was lana's new boyfriend and we ended up in a car while waiting for the shot to be set up. You indulged me and we talked about the physical work the cast did to prepare for Planet of the Apes. And then I just listened to you and the producer, I believe, talk about a variety of cds (a Bob Dylan rare release was one, I think.) As I say, I was just a walk-on, but it was great to be able to meet you and be a part of that film.

I won't take up more of your time, but I did want to send you an email thanking you.

Cheers,
Larry Nehring

 

i dont know why i had to write that. maybe because i feel so much like his character in that film. so on the edge all the time, brimming with possibilities and yet always seeming to miss out on those realized successes. or to put it in a more accurate phrase, that the failures tend to be larger than the successes, so that the sum of it all is a slowly descending slope.

is it madness? is that the cloud that i see/feel creeping behind my left ear and wisps of its voice caress my shoulders? is this what poe felt, or the other artists who never succeeded beyond mediocrity... but then the rare few actually were seen for geniuses after they gave in to the dark hounds that pursued them relentlessly? the hound of hell, a poem i used to love, but have not read in years. need to reread that one tonight.

the room is silent except for the wind and slight traffic noise oput the window to my left. la is dark out there, and kind of chilly. the keyboard of my laptop on the desk before me clicks away while the fan beneath it hums and exhales constantly. perhaps it inhales constantly in anticipation of the inspiration the writer will need who faces it. the screen has a very very faint hum/whine that no one else ever hears. and to my right, across the room maybe ten feet away there is a clock marking the seconds. timing my five fingered typing and telling me that i shoul dhave taken that typing class in high school. and once in a while the dog in the hall, zeus, or zeus-iffer if he is mischievous, will snuffle, or his collar will tinkle, or his paws will scratch against the carpet. a car just went by outside and a dog barked twice.

why am i here? small sense and big sense. "mars aint the kind of place to raise a kid. in fact its cold as hell."

have you even noticed  the sensuousness of typing? the smoothness of the keys? they are hard, but they give... only so much. the smoothness is only interupted by the faintest sensation of the embossed message that each one bears- not enough on its own to have meaning (except the rare letter who is able to stand alone, and of course those pesky numerals) but (zeus exhales)(tick tock tick tock) its like braille, sometimes i feel like i should be able to recognize them by touch. and everyone looks at the screen when they type. i know its faster that way, but then you ignore those noble keys who put the letters in order for you. gutenberg put them in cubicles, and whomsoever impaled them on posts like the heads of defeated enemies to be beat on as a way to send a message to others... that person changes the texture of lexiphilia forever.

(tick tock tick tock car passes, then a truck) (and a quick plane, pulsing)

why AM i here? not for the work. not solely to write. to escape? was there some keen knife of fate at my throat telling me to be here and now for some reason? i need to know, because  the madness is drawing me to her breast and it is, well not warm, but not cold either. so soft and dreamy and i just want to let it go. stop the aches and the pains and the feeling sorry formyself and the lack of discipline and all that and just be done.

to sleep

but the sheer passion of the keys and the heart, the potential for the shakes fest to take cleveland by the balls and show people that the orchestra and the play fucking house and great sodding lakes and the sports teams that suck our souls and pocket books and the exfiancees who shout out a big "FUCK YOU" when they get married so soon and start to pump out the puppies with some other son of a bitch and the funders who dont get it and all that hits me in the back of the head and drive me forward against the bungee cord that pulls me back and down.

alone in the apartment, needing to write

wanting to feel

listening to that god damned fucking cocksucking ticking that never ends and makes me want to take a baseball bat to the first person who invented a clock that makes fucking NOISE constantly!!! why, why, why is it that a clock is astonishingly annoying when it WORKS and when you FINALLY get PEACE and quiet it is only because it ISNT WORKING?! wouldnt the opposite make more sense?????

ahhh, yes, i am back to myself again. thank you for allowing me to rant.

where's that fucking wine...?

  • Current Music
    eva cassidy- time after time

(no subject)

a new addiction...
Current mood: In need of a nappy.
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

i was told i HAD to see a show that the BBC is producing called

QUITE INTERESTING... (http://www.qi.com)

hosted by Stephen Fry , whom you might recognize as FUCKING AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT!!!
(and one of the short list of people i would love to just chat in a pub with for hours on end)

{{{hmm thats a good discussion question for further blogging...}}}

anyway here is what the website says about the show:

QI : The BBC Television Series

The Show:

Quite Interesting - or 'QI' to its friends - could loosely be described as a comedy panel quiz. However, none of the stellar line-up of comedians is expected to be able to answer any questions, and if anyone ends up with a positive score, they can be very happy with their performance. Points are awarded for being interesting or funny (and, very occasionally, right) but points are deducted for answers which merely repeat common misconceptions and urban myth. (Alan Davies has turned this aspect of the game into somewhat of an artform.) It's okay to be wrong, but don't be obviously, boringly wrong. In this way, QI tries to rid the world of the flotsam of nonsense and old wives' tales that can build up in your mind. QI not only makes us look more closely at things, it encourages us to question all the received wisdom we have carried with us since childhood. Think of the program as a humorous cranial de-scaler.Left>Stephen Fry & guests</a>

Thomas Hobbes

QI isn't really about pointless information, or shoring up vast banks of trivia, It's about finding undiscovered connections and seeing hidden patterns, just like the best comedy. After all, curiosity is hardwired in all of us; we just lose the ability to indulge it. "The lust of the mind", Thomas Hobbes called it, "that exceedeth the short vehemence of any carnal pleasure". There you have it, and from a philosopher not a press release. QI: better than sex.

Now into its third season in 2005, QI is attempting to get all the way through the alphabet, so this series involves questions concerning things beginning with 'C'.

If you are able to get your hands on any of the episodes... DO, VERY EXPEDIENTLY!!!!

I think I wet myself at least once while watching. hard to tell after the first occurance, though.

  • Current Music
    JEAPSTER - demos

waltzing matilda...

going to see tha aussies tonight!

whenever i go to a bar, especially to see a live band, i forget why i have always loathed the bar scene. i am a "nice guy" and a geek, which means i never attract the kind of attention that draws those shopping at meat markets to me. my "steak" don't seem spicy enough i guess. (and all the NGBs shout "oh yeah" OH YEAH!)

i think i have been picked up a total of twice in my life. once while on tour in dubuque, iowa. bizarre i know. and does it count as being picked up if you went to another state to drink (illinois has a later time for bars to close) and then went back to her apartent and just made out. nothing really happened, but i think that is the closest to being picked up. the other time was an intellectual kind of thing. we didnt even kiss (god i dont remember if we did or not) but it was in west palm beach (no she wasnt 80 yrs old!) and i was signing with my coworkers at a bar and kept noticing this really attractive woman staring at us. after a while she had disappeared, and in my disappointment i turned back to the bar and there she was standing next to me. she must have heard me order because whe knew that i was hearing, so she apologized for staring at the sign language but that she was fascinated by all kinds of language. turns out she taught classical greek and latin at a private school in massachusetts. and then we got talking about theatre, and eventually it was last call, then at closing my coworkers were long since gone. she and i walked around the area still talking and enjoying the warm evening. it was so romantic and thrilling, pretty amazing night all around. then as the sky was lightening we were approaching her rental condo, and we exchanged addresses and phone numbers. i was an honorable guy (darn it) and we talked for a bit about the fact that we had a great time, but that she was married and if things had been different..., but that we should remain friends, blah blah blah. we kept in touch for a while, but eventually she stopped writing back

oh well. i had an intellectual affair that i dare anyone to rival!

 

how the hell did i get on this topic????

oh right, bar scene, pick ups, nice guys dont get laid, and all that....

so anyway, JEAPSTER tonight at the whisky-a-go-go

and i will be there to support them, and they are a great band. good sound and all. but they really dont do enough to try to get their friends (me) hooked up with some of the bottle-blondes with implants who bounce brainlessly before them adding a bizarre counterpoint to michael's drumming. a sort of delay/reverb which never fails to amuse me.

oh yeah, i know i will be burning in hell. but everyone who went with me on that last image-show will be smoldering there with me. so shut it!

love and chamomile for all, i am going to the bar to feel old and cursedly nice....

Currently reading:
Monty Python, Shakespeare and English Renaissance Drama
By Darl Larsen
Release date: By February, 2003

  • Current Music
    Clannad

what do i rate?

okay, so i am more female than PTPGRAD, and i have seen her in her altogethers and she far outranks me....

You scored as Female. Being mostly female by thought, is even though (still) considered inferior to masculinity in Western culture, a good thing in many ways.It means that you are more creative, and sensitive towards your environment, enabling you to express yourself freely and do more thing than one at a time.

</td>

Female

79%

Either

68%

Male

54%

Neither

32%

Should you be MALE or FEMALE?*new-version*
created with QuizFarm.com</tr>

last big bundle...

if i get time, i will sort these into their own entries on the right dates
but till then, who really cares?
L

so, i did sort out this bundle, and made them individual entries
some dates i fixed, but jeez, gimme a break
L again

dont blame me, someone wanted to read them on livejournal...

Saturday, January 28, 2006

freaking the flock right out...
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

oh mother trucker i am starting to get freaking scared at the decision i made to go to los angeles

my ee cummings writing style and murmurs listening tastes are so mundane, i adapt shakespeare and get a perverse thrill at the bad review that inevitably popss up once in a while

i am obsessed with being friends with ex-girlfriends, even though it makes me constantly think how close i came to a wonderful life with a beautiful woman and yet they are now married and wonderful with adorable kids and here i lie with a kitten attacking my feet under an electric blanket of love as my only source of warmth on a cold night in a crappy apartment, and its really a mess.

i do have some amazing friends, and it makes me glad when i look at the souveniers of all the things i have done in my life and career to think that there are wonderfully talented, cool, crazy people who have become my friends, but then i think that so few times do i ever appear in their pictures that i must not have any really tengible effect on their lives.

i act a role, direct a play, teach a class, write a script, or eat a meal but once the dust of years have settled will the mention of my name elicit ant more than a stirring of neurons and a few anecdotes?

i know i am not the first that people think of in any one category... its just a strange limbo to be surfin in, where the mere idea bubbles to the surface and is swept into the vortex of previous thoughts until the time allows me to coalesce them into coherent intagibles that dance in front of people for the briefest of seconds of consciousness and then are relegated into the stream of consciousness that is the Deteriorata of waking life around us all.

sandcastles at the water's edge are my specialty...

Currently listening:
Blender
By Murmurs
Release date: By 11 August, 1998

2:15 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Sunday, January 22, 2006

okay, that has passed...
Current mood: crazy

well, i am back to myself...

that crush has faded to realism, haha. it was nice while it lasted, but the realization that i was attracted to the impossibility has gripped me and i now realize that i was attrected by the imposssssssssss... yeah, that.

ah the circularity of language.

made myself a kick ass brunch today, omelette, toast, big bowl of fruit, and coffee! mm-mm!

and worked on shakespeare festival stuff. god i hate that part of my life! why is it now such a chore? why is it only stess i feel when i think about the shakes fest? it is the source of such hope, and yet there is soo much boo-sheeya i have to endure to get even close to that....

arrrgh. oh well, i have to tell you about the world premiere of a play i created!

its basicallly a 4 actor version of romeo & juliet, as performed by peter quince and the mechanicals from midsummer. and saturday morning the thespians from amherst steele HS performed it at the area conference in elyria and they got a standing ovation!!! i was soooo proud of them!!! they really took that baby by the mane and rode her for all she was worth, and huge kudos to their teacher/director Val for guiiding them!! looks like a few teachers will want the script to perform, so i will get a bunch of my stuff published soon!!!!!

ahhhhh, right, THAT is why i do this shit....

Currently watching:
Babylon 5 - The Complete Third Season
Release date: By 12 August, 2003

5:11 PM - 3 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

why do i get the impression...?
Current mood: lonely

why do i get the impression that i will have to play bob denver
in the next biopic?

it was posed in a friend's blog,
"who would play you in the movie of your life?"
(or something like that)

i would prefer to play anthony perkins myself

Anthony Perkins
but chances are... its gilligan for me:

now as to who would play me?????

jeez, i think either Gonzo or Goofy would play me best of all.

********************************************************

there are strange moments when i read peoples' blogs...
telling moments...
they are sometimes addressed as if you are reading a letter that was never meant to be placed in your hands.

a friend was lamenting the fact that she had trouble making eye contact with people, and that she would open doors for people,
but they would do neither.

people everywhere avoid eye contact, and when you catch them, they respond with drama... either looking away defensively, challenging you and your right to connect, fearfully bracing themselves, etc. a good book to read is the celestind prophesy by james redfield- crappily written, but based on a great series of concepts. one aspect of which is the way humans try to create out own dramas in life,
and how to defuse them when they happen.

i am sometimes envious of the "person"
that other people write their blogs "to",
because i would love to have that connection
like a friend posted about some other person's girlfriend:

I'm the girl who will put her head on your shoulder, not because she's sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to you...
I'm the girl who likes to be kissed under the stars, more then inside your bedroom or in a expensive resturant...
I'm the girl who loves to end a hug with a kiss...
I'm the girl who you can talk to about anything...
I'm the girl who laughs at your jokes...
I'm the girl who will have many inside jokes with you and remember each one...
I'm the girl who will brag about you to all of my friends...
I'm the girl who will listen to you talk...
I'm the girl who really does want to be friends after a break up...
I'm the girl who loves when you hug me for no apparent reason...
I'm the girl who loves it when you hug me from behind or kiss me on the forehead..
I'm the girl who loves you for you; and doesn't care what other people say about us...
I'm the girl who loves it when you introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend...
I'm the girl who will always love you...

i miss love letters... not letters of love, actually, but letters of life from someone beloved. when the casual phrase, the mundane utterance,
is so infused with love that it warms the very paper you hold
(emails dont have the same effect, i think.)

*******************************************

another friend expressed her sadness that she was losing the beauty of the world, because it was only showing her the dismal side of itself. and all i could think to say was:

the world can be harsh, unreal, painful...

and other people can be horrible, selfish, evil, mean, unthinking...

but the world revolves around the positive people,
the ones who make the choice to be sunny
when others bring in the clouds,
who want to smile when others try to make them cry,
and sometimes the best thing to help the heart of the world
is to get a full-on, rib-crunching hug from a glorious girl like you.

you have the power to nudge the world toward beauty
don't forget that we love you
you aren't alone,
and that would be the ugliest way the world could be.

 

hope sleep came easy for you tonight...

Currently listening:
At Folsom Prison
By Johnny Cash
Release date: By 19 October, 1999

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Friday, January 20, 2006

strange mood tonight...

another night, and i have a headache, and i am cleaning the apt so a friend can come over and hang out.

i was gooing to type something and now i just dont feel like it

brain is on hold... in a holding pattern... waiting for something to happen.

odd....

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Monday, January 16, 2006

god i love crushes... at first...
Current mood: hopeful

okay it is stupid! i don't know her beyond a bio, an interview, a clip of a tv show, and a half-hour conversation... but i have a massive crush on someone.

it's dumb, completely dumb. she lives on the far side of the country... i will never see her again... but there is just something about her that is so different from anyone else i have ever met. i can't really describe it. i have been searching for words because i knew i would have to tell someone.

she is brilliant, curious, outspoken, earnest, hard-working, accomplished, insightful, really really attractive with an amazing smile, strong sense of self, yet still with a self effacing sense of humor. same chinese zodiac sign, (sheep)...

and i just realized that i cannot ever tell her about this blog... at least not until she knows more about me and we have become friends.

its strange, too, because i read the bios from each show having panels this weekend, and for some reason hers just stood out. i remember thinking, "wow, i really want to meet her." knowing the conversation at least would be great. then i saw her. and, wow.

i wasnt even going to go to that press conference! two friends were in town and i was planning on going to dinner with them, but something said, "go to the press conference." and we did. i started out chatting with the president of the network about my film, and then they started the trailer for the other show... her show. and i was smitten.

i know i know, there are more reasons to say this wont ever be more than the few emails over the next month and then nothing. but for the first time in a long time i feel something i have not felt... really strong hope, and a sense of focus... and i want to ride that wave of positive energy.

well, i had better be good on the radio tomorrow... she might be listening

noon, npr, sweeeeeeeeeeet!

Currently watching:
Babylon 5 - The Complete Third Season
Release date: By 12 August, 2003

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Saturday, January 14, 2006

buzzed and amazed...
Current mood: anxious

okay, so its one in the morning in los angeles... meaning its 4 am to my cleveland body...

i left cleveland scared to death because i was flying on friday the thirteenth into a press conference situiation at the ritz-carlton in pasadena and i havent the foggiest idea if i am going to be out of my league or not. i am the only actor on the panel for the show.

get this the first pbs panel is a show by jacques cousteau's (spelled horribly wrong, sorry- see subject line) son and narrated by pierce brosnan. pierce brosnan-james bond/remington steel/matador/etc. is the actor on the panel.

the second is the pbs presentation of Bleak House, by Charles Dickens (Chapter One: In Chancery. Michaelmas term lately over and the Lord High Chancellor sitting in Lincoln's Inn Hall. Implacable November weather: as much mud in the streets as if the waters had but newly retired from the face of the Earth....- or something like that, the memory is getting faulty. as is the typing - see subject line.) and the actor is... the actor is... fuck its dana scully-gillian anderson! ok pierce is nice, he's cool, but gillian anderson is one of the most attractive women i have ever seen. even when she was preggers on the show and gained weight - oooohhhhh mmmmyyyy ggggiooooodd!!!!

the next panel is the African American Experience with Chris Tucker... he is the actor on the panel.

then there is ours. me. a historian. and the directors..... me.

after me is a panel with ERIC IDLE!!!!! month python: personal best. ERIC FREAKING IDLE!!!!! he is the actor.

what the hell am i doing here?

so now i am buzzed and tired and wired and scared. evertything is on the room tab. free foods free drinks, and i saw Bill Paxton in the bar. remember him? done everything. he is the less stiff adam baldwin... actually his first work i saw was weird science, evil military brother turned disgusting blob... remember? and "Game Over, Dude!" him.

and here i am making Sesame Street posters.

i am going to the hot tub... its the best therapy in the world....

by grapthar's hammer... i don't know if i am good enough for this.

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Sunday, January 08, 2006

oh, for the love of...

why do people ask me for relationship advice?

like i freaking know anything!

i am at wit's end in my own life, and i don't really know what i even want at this point. so what possible advice could i give?

those who know me know that i am hopeless with women... i am the "nice guy... with the dirty sense of humor."  harmless, and easy to hang around with, but not someone anyone other than those 20 years older or 20 years younger would be interested in.

and right now i am having a handful of IM conversations...

one is with a friend in love with a woman who is living with a guy she cant seem to get the balls to break up with, and her expressions of dissatisfaction lured me into a huge crush over a year ago, but she still does nothing.  correction, she wasnt living with the shmuck last year... i guess that's progress, huh?

another is with a new friend who predicts a woman will be in my life soon. heh, yeah, right.

and the last (and looooongest) is with a friend who has screwed up her life pursuing a married man, and now he is divorced and unhappy and has shoved her away. an ugly situation of "i told you so" after "i told you so".

and the voices in my head tell me to end all three conversations and go to bed.

sleep calls....

Currently watching:
Babylon 5 - The Complete Second Season
Release date: By 29 April, 2003

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Monday, January 02, 2006

post-holiday insanity...
Current mood: confused

so it is the new year already and it blows...

2006 off to a great start, i lost my voice and croaked through the last performances of Beauty & the Beast... so 2005 went out in perfect Tom Waits style....

and now i find myself awake at 330am with almost 9 gigs of xmas music on my laptop not knowing why i have it all...

will i actually listen to it? or even try?
xmas songs by 98 degrees?!
and David Hasselhoff?!
i hated his lifeguard show, and watching attractive women bounce around in bathing suits is great, once they open their mouth and have vowel movements devoid of consciousness like pamela anderson, you forget quickly the effect of the chilly breeze or air-conditioned studio.

so why do i have his christmas songs?????

maybe so that i can make an evil little mix cd for a gift next year of the worst songs i could find, things that would make the christ child spit up his nursing feast... (olive oil comes in extra virgin... does milk also?)...

your christmas gifts next year could come with a one-way ticket to hell.

Currently listening:
Best of Mel Blanc, Man of 1000 Voices
By Mel Blanc
Release date: By 15 November, 2005

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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

under the weather...

arrgh, just when i get a few days to relax.... i get sick.

not horrendous, but just kinda crappy. and i was hoping to maybe have a date this weekend... well at least ask someone out... or at least invite her to a party... with lots of people she knows... so its not really asking her out I KNOW I KNOW just get offa my back!

but now i have the excuse that i feel like i have been keel-hauled, so i dont have  to worry about it.

ahhh the holidays best present is the inevitable sinus attack... woo hoo.

but i am looking sooo forward to seeing the cast again, much as there are aspects of the show that drive me insane, the cast freaking rocks, and they are all so damn nice. and some of the most attractive folks to grace a stage. talent, humor, looks, and a warmth that is universally applied to all. what more do we need? (don't get me started on that, haha!)

and the best people in the cast are the ones who read this... in no particular order beyond what pops into my mind....
(and if i forget someone gimme a break)

kristen as babette, who makes me say a silent prayer to whatever controls the universe in thanks for having my job! sooooooooooooooooooooooo beautiful and talented, and humble, and freaking young! i swear i thought you were a few years older.

the man with the cybernetic jaw: josh... gaston in the flesh, so much fun and leaving cleveland in a few days, which frikkin sucks, cuz we never really got a chance to hang out. damn shame... but some day....

melanie on the flute, who is no longer with us, not dead, just traded out with another flautist (haha) but we still love her and her inffectous cuteness!

amiee as mrs potts! so much fun to work with her at last! i think she and douglas and I are a pretty good trio... good shared sense of timing.

and the incomparable dan folino as beast... this has been a real pleasure because i have really not known him except in passing. but he is a really great person, and will always have my respect and envy.

kelly as the silly girl who makes all the young boys titter. stand back y'all she's one of them lookers, and she gives the most powerful hugs i have ever had! damn woman, you make most lumberjack seem like wimps! and i love it! keep them coming, cuz i need to stock up before you go back to school.

mark is so much fun to talk to onstage when i say things like "soup? is she crazy? that will never work." he grins but never breaks!

and the schloss-woman!!!! how the heck can someone crack me up that much? how many babies will she have this weekend??

modica, who has the most thankless job in the whole show... starts as the silent prick.. i mean prince. then changes into the stunt-beast, and cant get a curtain call cuz it would "confuse" the kids. sheeeesh. you rock, kid.

bevan/bevon the booby king, so much fun to do a show onstage with you. wished we could have done much ado together... dont get me started!

and john, one of the nicest frigging guys i have ever met! cant wait to do more socializing with this guy. yet another reason why cleveland is a great city to live!

and adam, mr dark himself! scares the crap out of the little kids, and yet is one of the sappiest people i have ever met.

okay i have lost all energy, so i am gonna make some dinner and go to bed

see y'all soon!

Currently listening:
Earth Spirit
By R. Carlos Nakai
Release date: By 23 November, 1993

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Sunday, December 25, 2005

xmas and NO SNOW!!!
Current mood: got a headache

okay, its bad enough that i was sick of carols after thanksgiving... and that i cant just go shopping with wads of disposable cash... and that there is that whole not-having-faith-and-all-that-mystic-christian-mumbo-jumbo... but to top it all off THERE IS NO SNOW!!!!

and i am in freaking BUFFALO, for gods' sake!

who does a gut have to kill to make xmas white-

and no assad that is not a racial thing............

the ironic moment of the holiday, so far, was at mass, and at the very end father somethingerother announced that, before everyone left the church, the children were supposed to come up to the altar because he had something to give them. something to remind them of the reason we celebrate....  it was a bracelet that said "happy birthday, jesus."

so let me get this straight, the father wanted to make sure that the kids all knew that we celebrate the birth of jesus, that christmas is not about gifts but the birth of christ, and to remind them of that... he gave them a gift.

now, i am not a "friend of bill's", but isn't that like giving someone a bottle of booze labelled, "remember: don't drink."???????

and still, there is no snow.

kill me now, please

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zeus is biting people...

Friday, December 23, 2005

all the voices in my head... and one is smoking?

i just had a strange experience...

a friend/coworker's husband has been concerned that i may have been doing more than working with her. i hadnt and had no desire/intent to do more than work.

if she sees me as anything more than what i am, then i dont know how that happened. wow. that email i just wrote wore me out.  i told him the truth and that, while a great person, she is not my type, and all sorts of other revealing things about why its not what he fears.

who the hell in their right mind would want to date me anyway? 38, no 401k, no savings, credit card debt, school loans, horrendous credit, a freaking actor for god's sake! and all the foibles in my arsenal, and she thinks i am interesting?

hell i am the dormitory for all the Larry's that i have been... they are housed here and talk to me, see the world i am seeing and tell me how i would see events at each age till now.

tonight my teen self reminded me that he has a crush on a teen that i taught. the thought formed, "if i ask her out, will you let me take the car... and the body that night?" not like he has any control in reality, but i heard the teen in me. i remember the thrill when she looked at me and he caught a glimpse of her. if i were back in high school and met her i would have been so in love that i would have been doing goofy things to make her laugh and catch her attention....

i miss that kind of abandon.

true i still flirt in the same way, but always feeling the guilt that i should grow up and just focus on my own life, straighten out everything so i can be a good husband/father. get a real job, etc.

but can i honestly let the other mes die and fade away?

Currently watching:
The Boondocks

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Thursday, December 22, 2005

thi nights are longer than the days...
Current mood: crushed

so bad news today...

the miniseries i did might not pay me any residuals. not that i was expecting riches, but so much of the last 6 months and the next year was based ongetting something....

my jeep is falling apart... i wanted to get something newer,
school loans still pesky... wanted to pay them off,
credit card debt... wanted that gone,
and worst of all... my trip to LA for pilot season is off.

maybe i am wrong, or the lasy from SAG was wrong, but chances are I am screwed.

so, what's new?  i am starting to feel like i have lost my tail in the woods and some freaking know-it-all is using it as a bell-ringer.

well, i will stop complaining, in three hours it is another day...
and Josh will kick my butt if I whine any more.

me.

Currently listening:
Babylon 5 (Compilation From TV Series)
By Christopher Franke
Release date: By 18 November, 1997

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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

learning life lessons from friends...
Current mood: blank

okay, so i have started to really process my horrendous trip to Boston...
and it wasn't really all that horrible,
its just that I wanted it to be more than it actually was
yeah, we talked smack about what we each wanted
but when it came down to it,
none of us wanted the others to have expectations
that pressure to BE something FOR someone else
we each just wanted to BE ourselves

barb, one of my friends, put my perspective into an interesting light
she said that i am the kind of person that wants things to be incredibly meaningful
to be suffused with significance
to be the panacea for all my ills
and sometimes things just ARE
they don't mean much at all,
an aspirin is just a pill
and a cigar is just a cigar.

score one for the kid!

damn she is insightful
and i am glad she is one of those ex-girlfriends who is still a valued friend
they are rare, unfortunately

i am trying to look back on my life and see where the seeds of significance have been planted
and why they have to be so important
but everything in my  life is either meaning-filled
or meaning-less
there is no middle ground

i love my family and wish i talked with them more often
but life and events get the better of me
and i let them slip
forget to call until long after i should

i am a bad person to share dna with...

argh, even now i see that it is like a bizarre mix of ADD and OCD
where i get distracted by things that seem SO important
and often they are
but the stuff before my face is more needy than what i cannot see
its a sort of quantum theory of living...

the very act of looking at something raises its level of import.

Currently listening:
New Sacred Cow
By Kenna
Release date: By 10 June, 2003

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the review of a lifetime

Saturday, December 17, 2005

don't ever complain about bad reviews after you read this one...

okay, anyone who has ever complained about a bad review should get a kick out of this one...

(Bevan can attest that it was an actual review, not a fake.)

09-22-2005

Weathervane’s ‘Much Ado’ does not deliver1

By David Ritchey

MERRIMAN VALLEY — “Much Ado About Nothing” is one of Shakespeare’s most annoying plays2.

The script is a cut-and-paste pastiche designed to annoy everyone in the audience.3  However, the production now on stage at Weathervane Community Playhouse, through Oct. 2, adds enough other annoying issues to make this a grand4  annoy-everyone production.5

The folks seated behind me complained about not being able to hear the performers. They left at intermission.

During intermission, one audience member announced to her group, “Terrible. This is terrible.” She didn’t leave, however.6

“Much Ado About Nothing” is a love story that involves Benedick and Beatrice in cute,7  situation-comedy stuff. They like each other,8  but they have to stretch out the flirtation9  to fill the five acts of the play.

The Claudio and Hero love story is painful, and the reconciliation at the end of that story makes Hero a wimp, Claudio a loser and Shakespeare a jerk for writing this hurry-and-end-the-play, goof-ball ending.10

This plot is simple — Claudio plans to marry the lovely Hero. Envy11 motivates other characters to convince Claudio that Hero is unchaste. Claudio, in good melodramatic fashion, permits the wedding ceremony to start, confronts Hero and accuses her of being involved12 with another man. Hero faints and is carried from the stage13. Later, Hero’s family decides to pretend she is dead to cleanse her reputation14. Of course, the deceit is discovered and Hero’s reputation is restored. However, at that point, Hero marries Claudio, the man who humiliated her in the first wedding ceremony. Hero is written as a strong woman15 and should be strong enough to leave Claudio. But, of course, Shakespeare wrote this 400 years ago and the culture was different.16

What was director Larry Nehring thinking?17 He placed this production of “Much Ado” in Virginia during the French and Indian War.18 But,19 where were the French and the Indians?20 The cast spoke Elizabethan English with an American accent.21  Where were John Wayne, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans22 to rescue us?  This production started at 8 p.m. and, finally, we got to the curtain call at 10:40 p.m.23  (That includes a 15-minute intermission.)24

The director, who should know better, managed to make the play more inaccessible than ever by moving the play to a different time period.25  In fact, too many of the problems with this production must be blamed on the director.26  I suspect he directed from the stage.27  I was seated in the middle of the house and had trouble hearing so many characters that it was a temptation to shout, “Speak louder. Project your voice to the back of the theater.”
 

One of the problems with the show was the many, many miscast roles. A woman played Rev. Frances.28  In current times, the Catholic Church is still not permitting women to be ordained as priests.29  The actress who played Rev. Frances, Faith King, was fine in the role. But, having a woman minister30 in an Elizabethan English play that has been moved to Virginia during the French and Indian War draws the attention away from the plot line.

The one bit of offbeat casting that worked was to have Margaret Morris play Dogberry, the constable. Morris strutted the stage as a combination of dominatrix and clown. Morris brought the humor to the surface and made her role one of the most interesting on the stage.

Alan Scott Ferrall (technical director) and his company of volunteers created a large building for the set. This impressive building, with fountains,31  windows that open and close and a stairway provided an excellent setting.

However, the realistic set was often covered when the director managed to arrange the performers in a chorus line.32  He staged too many scenes in the aisles, and this, of course, makes the actors block the view of the audience.33  At one point, he has Benedick sit on a bench down in the audience. Benedick munches potato chips and drinks from a paper cup with a straw. These anachronisms draw attention to themselves and don’t add to the humor of the story. In fact, they become another interference.34  

“Much Ado About Nothing” isn’t a satisfying production.35  This is a difficult script to produce in community theater.36  The play selection committee must share the blame. For ticket information, call (330) 836-2626.37  

 

David Ritchey has a Ph.D. in communications and is a professor of communications38 at The University of Akron. He is a member of the American Theatre Critics Association.39


<<the numbers and hyperlinks are my footnotes and commentary on the whole article. Here is what i wrote in response...

DISCLAIMER:
What follows is a humorous take on the art of theatrical criticism. One man's opinions are another man's epicac. These are IN NO WAY the thoughts or the intentions of the Weathervane Community Playhouse, its staff or the cast and crew of the show. It is simply my way of creating a humorous dialog out of one audience member's response (who just so happens to publish his thoughts in a theatre review column.)

1. Deliver what? Comedy? Tragedy? Pizza?

2. Hmmm, I know of the Comedies, Tragedies, Histories and Romances. Annoyances is a new heading... must be the influence of Bacon.

3. Apt description since Shakespeare was MS Word proficient, at least he put it on his resume. It was also popular in Elizabethan times to write plays to annoy one's audience.

4. Editor's note: when using two adjectives ("grand" & "annoy-everyone") one should separate the with either a comma or a conjunction.

5. Impressive vocabulary to use and reuse annoy four times in three sentences. Perhaps Madame Roget could help with her handy thesaurus (unless you are afraid of dinosaurs.)

6. An audience member who prefers pain to pleasure. Well, now that Matlock is in syndication, what else is there to do but suffer through another of Shakespeare's lauded Annoyances.

7. Would it be disingenuous to say that Hero & Claudio are "cute", whilst (one of Shakespeare's most annoying words) Beatrice & Benedick are "witty" or "acerbic?"

8. According to the script they actually do not like each other, they can't stand each other, which is why there is such a challenge to get them together. If they liked each other, no one would try to get them to date. Remember the deleted scene from ROMEO & JULIET, where Benvolio, Tybalt, & Mercutio vow to "throw Romeo and Juliet/Into a mountain of affection, the one for the other." and then realize it already happened two scenes ago so they change their minds and have a sword fight? (My favorite part.)

9. If that is flirting I have been doing it wrong all this time. No wonder I never go on dates.

10. THE TAMING OF THE SHREW and THE MERCHANT OF VENICE would have provided infinitely better models to end this play. Either Benedick could have beaten Beatrice's resistance down till she was jelly, or Hero could have carved a pound of flesh from Claudio as punishment for his transgressions... far more satisfying endings overall.

11. Doesn't Don John (also horribly miscast as a woman) say that she has no reason to cause mischief, she's just "that kind of super-freaky (the kind you don't take home to mutha)"?

12. Involved is a modern euphemism for "talking with a ruffian out a chamber window." "There's a double meaning in that."

13. I must have missed when they carried her off the stage, because I could swear she has quite a few lines to say in the scene after her faint.  However, perhaps Shakespeare intended for her to shout them from the wings as she lies prostrate and unconscious.

14.  I knew i could have trimmed the Reverend's lines even more: "Say that she is dead,/And all is well."

15. Whoa, again I must have downloaded the wrong script, perhaps the "Bad Quarto" edition. Hero is strong enough to say "Father, as it please you." many times during the course of the play. Beatrice is far weaker for speaking her mind, "always remember... though it be not written down."

16. So, let me get this straight... Shakespeare's play shows Hero to be a strong woman, (strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?) who could leave Claudio, BUT of course he wrote it 400 years ago and "the culture was different."???? So he did not intend her to be a she-bitch in heat? Oh my, I have confused myself again. Where's that Lexicon?

17. Obviously I was not.

18. HERESY!!!!!! Shakespeare set his play in his own city and country (Messina), and it should only be played there for all eternity. Here endeth the lesson.

19. Editor's note: It is bad form to begin a sentence with a conjunction. However, the only exception is "however," which is a forgivable transgression, and might be perceived as, what some libertines call, 'style.'

20. Ummm, they were the enemy, and thus not very welcome in Virginia.

21. In truth, contemporary anthropology believes that Elizabethan speech most closely resembled the speech of Appalachian America, and the Received Pronunciation which has been accepted as Standard British was a fabricated accent intended to delineate class differences through education.

22. They would not be around for another 200 years, sorry. Feel free to take a seat in the lobby if you would like to wait.

23. It is well known that all of Shakespeare's Annoyances were written to be performed in under an hour, so as not to annoy an audience.

24. Intermissions must only be 10 minutes long. In Nazi Germany (where at least one House Manager -Haus Frau Blucher- was recruited) the intermissions always ran on time. People pooping had to finish from their seats.

25. In Aristotle's "The Dramatics", he states that the inverse property of a play's setting is equal to Pi times the square of the hypotenuse of the year it was written, minus the year of the performance cubed. S=(1/(Pi)*(ab)2-x)-y3. Hence, 'The Fresh Prince of Bel Air is only now becoming amusing to a modern audience, Pythagoras would wet his toga with laughter watching it on DVD. Queen Elizabeth I, when asked about CSI:Miami, replied, "LMFAO."

26. Except of course the fact that it is inherently one of Shakespeare's Annoyances.

27. Which explains a lot, because at the time the cast was in the rehearsal room.

28. Astute perception on the part of the reviewer. What would have given him that idea?

29. And Catholics are well known to be the more liberal of Christian religious officials. Perhaps if we had just gone ahead and called her, "Father"...?

30. Catholics don't have ministers, that is Protestants, right?

31. Did anyone see any fountains? Or even just one of them? I was directing from the stage, so my sightlines were blocked. Did they get in the way when you had to carry the unconscious Hero off stage?

32. Beatrice's theme song is, "One, singular sensation, every little step she takes. Dadadadadada." Even fits the pentameter. Much of the problems of the large group scenes would have been alleviated had the director followed Shakespeare's "author instuctions" and cast Oompa-Loompas, so as to  only fill the lower half of the stage. Hence the quote, "Civil as an orange."

33. I hate when the actors block the view of the audience, who are meant to be looking at the fountains. "Actors should be heard offstage and only occasionally seen. That is why Hero's strongest lines are when she is unconsciously yelling from offstage." William Shakespeare

34. Hmmm... so in this annoy-everyone production of one of Shakespeare's infamous Annoyances, the main character, cute and flirty Benedick, sits on a bench in the audience, blocking the audience's view of the lovely fountains, and annoys the audience by doing things that, when done by an audience, annoy an actor.  Is that some kind of meta-comedy?

35. Was anyone else starting to get the impression that he did not think his ticket was worth the cost... Oh right, he got in free. Let's give him a full refund.

36. Community theatres should stick to the easy Shakespeare plays like TITUS ANDROGYNOUS and PERICLES, PRINCE OF TIRES, and forever eschew the problematic Annoyances.

37. This is also the number to call if you would like to leave a message blaming Shakespeare, Sir Francis Bacon, or Cameron Mackintosh for choosing to produce this play in this unsatisfying manner.

38. Piled Higher and Deeper in communications... that explains a lot. He took 'English 110: An Introduction to Shakespeare's Plays' as an undergrad, and now he is training a whole new generation of receptionists and baristas as they get their BAs in Communications.

39. A pillar in the theatrical community. The true seat of wisdom and knowledge. The membership requirements are: 1) do you write reviews? (answer 'yes'), and 2) did you send in $45? (ditto.)

Larry, the directing Antichrist

Currently listening:
Songbird
By Eva Cassidy
Release date: By 19 May, 1998

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